BIKINI TIME!

Hello fellow readers....

So I know that almost everyone is getting ready for summer. I mean WHO does not want to look GREAT in a bikini? 

NO ONE th

at's who. 

I am a curvy girl. And to be honest, over the past couple of months I have gotten a little too curvy, if you know what I mean. Seriously I have curves in places I didn't know they could be. ( tmi ....I KNOW) 

The thing is I'm doing this for 3 reasons. 

1) let's face it I'm officially fat. ( not that there's anything wrong with being chubby, but I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.

2) I have migraines, always did. But when I did this 

" cleanse" once before, my brain disorder went bye bye for a couple of moths. 

3) My super hot and size 2 mother is driving me nuts over the coming up Florida retreat. 

" GO RUN" is what I hear every time I pick up the phone. 

( my thoughts....oh GREAT satan is calling again!) 

So.... in order to motivate myself. I always go to Victoria's Secret online store. 

I get all jealous. And then I spend a shit-load of money.  ( sound familiar?) 

And this year, I found a couple of swimsuits that I was tota

lly willing to drop the money on.

So back to the  MASTER MAPLE CLEANSE.

this is what I got: 

Yo

u can use any " slimming" tea from your local supermarket or Whole Foods. 

( yes it will make you poo, and you will learn to love it)

Ok, you will not turn in to a merma

id after this. ( PROMISE ) 

But since it it a " clense" 

I choose the creme de la creme for water.

( Yes, regular water will work exactly the same, I am just a reckless shopper and go for the posh crap) 

LEMONS....yes, Lemons. Those cute, and nice smelling yellow things.

NO Bottled concentrate shit. PLEASE save your selves! 

Maple syrup is where the good stuff starts. 

I don't care what country it comes from.

I don't care how big the bottle is.

AS LONG AS IT's  NOT THE "CRAP" you put on your pancakes. 

Aunt Jemima is Banned from the house at this time. 

YES... it is CAYENNE pepper. 

The spicy stuff.

this is how you will not feel HUGRY.

Here's the deal. 

there's not eating. 

once again there is what???

NO EATING.

you are trying to get rid of all the shit you have been piling in to your sistem during the few cold months. 

That means no more Hagendaas, no more booze no no no no no no 

if it sounds good....it's a NO

If it smells good, it's an even bigger NO.

So now that we've got that down this is what youre gonna do. 

Read the instructions of the " master Cleanse" by clicking on the link. 

.......

ok were back. 

Now remember, you need to keep hydrating. So there's no fainting involved. 

You will be a nasty, moody and pissy bitch for the first day or two.

..

..

...

Still with me ...

OK

you will drink one " teacup" of the slimming tea

EVERY EVENING.

this will get all the junk out of your digestive track.

Now.... because we are all busy adults, I make the mix and bottle it up ahead of time and just keep it in the fridge. I find it also tastes better this way.

You will drink around 6 bottles of this stuff per day. 

YOU WILL ALSO DRINK PLAIN WATER.

( once again, so no fainting is involved...or dehydration for that matter)

I usually do this for about 5 days. 

trust me...it's worth every food and alcohol deprived minute. 

By day three, you will actually not crave food, coffee and other junk that your body is used to.

I would not suggest doing the cleanse for more than 6 days at a time.....

The other thing you have to remember, is when you are finished with the cleanse, you can't go and stuff your face with a XXXXL meat lovers Pizza. 

you have to get back to your normal habits slowly. 

Day one and two do Juices....like Carrot, a little orange, some apple.

I preffer to get the " odwalla" or the " naked Juice" 

Day three...soups, light veggies. 

Four, light food. ( girls that mean no extra fatty rib-eyes!) 

By day five you should be back on your feet.

AH  THE THINGS WOMEN DO TO STAY BEAUTIFUL.

if you guys have any questions or comments...LET ME KNOW.

Good Luck and Good Night.