changing lanes

Do you know that place in your life when you just feel like you're stuck in second gear? And you just can't move foreword? And then something, something random even gives you a breath of fresh air. A high. a sense of freedom and belonging in this world. I, was one of the fortunate ones.

I've been in  a never-ending  spiral of ups and downs. And through stupid decisions and lack of social excitement and common understanding between others. But that's besides the point. 

I feel like my life is a type of social experiment. 

As of this moment, I am dating a Brit. Well somewhat of a Brit. His mom is a Brit. My family is Russian/Armenian with a rather conservative background. And then there's me. As my cute little asian friend says I can walk up to a building and have a philosophical conversation with a wall. 

So, Being the fat ass that  I am, I always look for awesome new places to grab a bite,  And one day after walking about in Santa Monica, I stumbled upon a place....let me rephrase. Upon A PUB. 

TEQUILA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a friend of mine that lives in Malibu...and has no business in the kitchen since she usually ends up burning everything sent me this little recipe.
Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of flour
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit
Method:
Sample the tequila to check quality.
Take a large bowl
Check the tequila again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
Try another cup... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the lequita to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt.
Or something.
Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.
DELICIOUS

To cheat or not to cheat?

From what I have noticed in my rather short life span, when relationships begins to fail, we fight even harder to try to keep it together, as if to tell ourselves that we can do it. And no matter how many things go a-wall. we still stick around. I'm not sure what it is about human nature that leads us in this direction of life. But for some odd reason, we never really leave until the boat has already sank. Why are we programmed in such a way, that we cause most of our own pain and agony? It fascinates me. And although I don't really believe in cheating, sometimes that's really the only option left. When ever I feel like the earth is just crumbling under my feet, for some reason I always think about the opening monologue of one of my favorite movies : LOVE ACTUALLY.
“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed. I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there. Fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the twin towers none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge. They were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love, actually is, all around.”
In between my episodes of crying, fighting, reconciling, apologizing and deciding that I'm going to try one more, one last time. I clear my head. And I start all over again.
To be honest, my current relationship began as a " friendship" and X and I deiced that it was just a way for us to hang out and watch movies, while keeping each other company.
But as days went on...physical activity escalated, and what should have stayed a friendship turned in to something else...like those kinda things always do.
And now, eight painful months later, everything hangs on a very thin string. The problem is that I can't leave him just yet. No matter how much I want to, I still love him, however, more as a friend that anything. I love his family, and he's very fragile due to depression. I hate my thoughts about a single life, since I just drag myself down. I know what happiness feels like, and I miss it. But for now, that's life. Or at least it was until last night.
And I know that some of you might have cruel and opinionated things to say, but hear ( or read in this case) me out.
Last spring, when I was still Mr. X free, I had a couple of relationships that narrowed down what it is I wanted from life. And although some really hurt to leave, others decided that even after they ended, the person would be imprinted in to my mind.
So last night, I texted an ex just to say hello. After the breakup we'd reconciled our differences and just kept it on a "hello-goodbye" basis. But last night, in almost 10 months, we decided that a drink was in order. Unfortunately, the meeting was only possible by lying. Which I hate to have to do, but I needed a breath of fresh air, a break.
I drove over to my ex's house. And what I was not prepared for is all of the previous emotions returning. I parked my car in the same spot, just as I had months beofre, and walked through the front gate. He was standing right there. Watching, silently but kindly. I manged to keep my emotions together through a brief-hello, and lit a cigarette to calm myself.
" since when do you smoke"
"I smoked when we were together"
Silence
We talked about things, about people, about life.
We watched a movie. Everything came back.
We had no contact all night, even the passage of the drinks was interrupted by a table.
But the connection was there, just as it had been there the time before.

When we first met, it was the best day of my life. Honestly. We drove all over LA, saw the city from the Hollywood Hills, and there was a moment where it all just seemed perfect.
His gentle hand held mine , I was trully happy.
the romance ended rather abruptly, cince he didn't want a relationship due to one previously ending. But he was always in my mind.
As horrible as I feel about lying to Mr. X, I also feel a rush of extacy.

As O walked me to my car, he stood there without a word. But he's eyes were doing all the talking. I stood allong his side, silent but soaring high.
We parted with a hug, a smile and a see ya later rather than goodbye.

Jump siuts?

So, i know for some this is going to be a somewhat horrid ( or on the contrary) trip to the 80's. Along with power suits and big hair, I know it's memories that my mother tries to avoid at all costs. In any case, being the fashion whore that I am..I've noticed that jumpsuits are EVERYWHERE...from the runways in some of the most beautiful cities in the world to the glossy pages of Vougue magazines published all around the world. But personally I'm not sure of how wearable it is. To be honest, I somewhat cringe every time I see someone wearing a jumpsuit. I don't really know why either. I actually really fancied them when I was a kid. They were comfy and it was only one article of clothing to put on. However, when I think of them now, all that romps through my mind are clowns in the 80's. I don't really know, get back to me with opinions.

Fluffies

So, I know that I've mentioned the two fluffy monsters that haunt my apartment, but I don't think their identities have ever been revealed over the Internet. With that said, here is the story about how I ended up with the two fur-balls in the first place. When my boyfriend and I decided to start a relationship, we had no intention of sharing any personal possessions at the time. But being the sweet heart that he is, he mentioned that a friend of his ex had kittens that she needed to get rid of. And being the naive animal-lover that I am, I said that getting a kitten would be a great idea, no strings attached, and that I'd take complete care of it. Another couple of weeks passed, and the kitten was ready to be taken away from it's mommy. So his Ex. promptly brought one over. Now mind this, at the time Eric's living room was arranged in such a way, that only 2-3 people could actually enter and be comfortable. So after meeting the Ex and her "child-molester-looking arm candy" as Eric called him, we brought the little guy home. He was terrified of EVERYTHING. And after hiding for two hours behind a corner desk, I decided that some rearranging was much in need. But as time went on, and Miko grew more accustomed to our place, I felt my heart clench at the sight of the little guy being at home all alone. So for days I deliberated. And the idea that I came up with was .....ANOTHER KITTEN to keep him company.
So, without telling Eric about my Dubious plan, I started looking on Craigslist for the new addition to our new family. And I got one. SO being the as sneaky as possible, I set up a " meet-and-greet". After stuffing Eric and Miko in to hte car... We finally met Zoe. A kitten with 4 brothers and sisters. But her coloring; the silver-blue fur, wite little paws, her blue eyes, she was perfect. But as soon as we brought her home, there were two problems, one she was infested with fleas and two, Miko was not a happy camper.

But Zoe didn't mind. She tried laying with him, biting his tail, exploring the apartament. Let me put some articulate emphasis on that...EXPLORING THE APARTAMENT.
However with time, they began to get allong, and soon after were never out of eachother's sight. And now....all the love that I gave to them...the feel like they need to share with me. At two in the morning. At full speed.

SEWMAD

Being the crazy college student that I am, I have very strange sleeping habits. So last night, I decided that I'm going to try-out the sewing machine that my boyfriend's AWESOME parents gave me for Christmas.

And although I love the crazy things that John Galliano designs, I opt for more "wearable" items for my own personal stash. So last night at about 2 in the morning, I was on www.style.com

searching for some wonderful stuff to make. And due to the fact that it's been in the 80'S this past couple of days here in Southern California...something light and feminine was on my list. And the funny thing is that I found things
that I LOVED in Donna Karan's 2008 spring line. So besides the fact that it's going back a year, I
still love them. They actually remind me of my favorite show....MAD MEN. The feminine and yet sophisticated silhouette is bound to capture anyone's heart. And in the neutral color range it's a rather versatile line.I have some cotton/linen blend fabric with fall color embroidery on the bottom that I think will work perfectly for the skirt in the first picture. Now I just have to get my fanny to the gym...so I can actually look like some of these ladies.

All Shiny and New in 2009

Welcome ladies and gents to the first of many postings. I can not tell you how excited I am to finally get my butt off the couch and typing.
In any case, this is a place for all the fashionistas to get their groove on.
And as I pledged to myself for this year, I will allow my creativity to flow as much as possible. A little bit about From Motherland With LOVE......It's here with the latest in FASHION, KNITWEAR, SEWING, COOKING, BAKING and everything else that surrounds my rather creative life.

So with that said.....I'd like to dedicate my first post to Look over one of my favorite craft.....Knitting. And ever since I moved to Los Angeles from the actual seasons of Suburban Maryland, I have been craving to knit things with wool....Oh beautiful wool. I want it, I need it, I crave it....and I have no reason to. So....instead of knitting for myself, I decided to knit for other people. My mother for one, a true Russian at heart is somehow ALWAYS cold. SO I decided that she was much in need of a pair of Cashmere Socks. And since she decided that she was mad at me and booked a vacation for the whole family - myself to Germany for Christmas/New Years. So I thought that the best way to get back in to her good spirits would be by making the socks and getting them to her by the time she was ready to go. So after endless hours of searching I found them. The perfect pair. The Caspian Sea Socks from www.knittingdaily.com. And what impressed me even more is that I decided to raid my ENORMOUS yarn stash, instead of going out and buying new yarn. And I was in LUCK I had plenty of left overs of Grignasco cashmere from Jennifer Knits in Los Angeles.....and let me tell you my mother cried when she got them!!!!!! And I promise, I will upload a photo of them, as soon as I find my camera.....some how I have a strange feeling that My two fluffies ate it.